The Crunchy Mommy

I've always envied my dad and brother... they are up every morning by 4:30, dressed, showered, and wide awake- ready for the day.


Let me clarify that-

They. Are. Up -Showered-Dressed-Wide-Awake- Bright-Eyed-and- Bushy-Tailed BY 4:30 in the morning! The alarm doesn't go off AT 4:30, they LEAVE the house BY 4:30. Every day. Rain or shine.

*sigh*

I never inherited that particular trait, but it's one that I dearly wish to cultivate.

Think of the benefits! You do your most private chores in the morning, before anyone else is awake to walk in the bathroom. You can watch whatever you want on tv or spend an hour catching up on emails (which are NEVER behind because you always have time to send them!) You sit and drink your coffee while it's still hot (oh luxury of luxuries!). You could spend hours communing with God without being interrupted by earthly pursuits. You could sit on the front porch and watch the sun come up and the listen to the bird's salute to the day. (Did I mention HOT coffee?!?)

I am, unfortunately, NOT a morning person by nature. The lure of soft sheets, fluffy pillows, and toasty blankets is one I battle daily, regardless of the hour. They're just so inviting and cozy I just want to cuddle up under them! Except for 15 minutes here and there to guide Harmony through her school-work, I don't sit down during the day, I am rarely in one room more than 20 minutes at a time! Then it's rushrushrush off to the next chore, chasing the next child, cleaning the next spill, or working on the next project. My life is rushing by so fast, and I don't claim any quiet time for me to slow it down some.

Another thing I've always envied is the amount of stuff my dad can get accomplished everyday. You would NOT believe his to-do list! I write phenomenal to-do lists, and his still leave me staggered under the amount of work he expects himself to accomplish each day.

But, at any time, day or night, he can and will stop what he's doing for a phone call with a friend, or to teach a grandchild, or to sneak in some kind of loving act whenever he sees the opportunity. He always welcomes unexpected guests, happily, and entertains them as long as they have the need for entertainment, then sends them off and gets right back to work. He's very rarely overwhelmed by his heavy workload (he builds custom cabinets all around the South) although he sometimes has to work late into the night to complete all his other chores.

I don't know how he does it!

I never seem to get ALL my to-do list completed. I have an afghan 1/3 of the way finished that I haven't worked on in over a month! I have a partial lesson plan worked up for the next month, but it doesn't include anything besides the Three R's! My sister called me yesterday to fuss at me because I promised her 6 months ago I would finish clearing out the storage room to make it into a playroom for the kids so I wouldn't call her complaining about spraining my toes or ankles tripping over toys scattered all over the house. (Sad to admit, this, but) I have had our old living room suit sitting beside my house for two months because I haven't loaded it up and carried it to Goodwill yet! I've been to Goodwill several times, but I never seem to have the time to carry itI've got an outline for a 14 blog-post series on organizing a small house to fit a large family, and it's been sitting in my house journal for three months! I mean, come on! I can't even drink a cup of coffee while it's hot- how do I expect to accomplish anything else?!?

AND if I am being truly honest with myself and you, there are many times during the day that I dread hearing the knock on the door because I was raised to put your guests above your chore list, or can't contain a sigh when a friend calls me just to chat, or give them some encouragement or advice.

I feel so rushed, I get frustrated. I make my children and husband frustrated, then I get angry. Then I make my children sad and my husband angry, and then I get sad. Then I make my children feel guilty and my husband frustrated. Then I get contrite. Then I coddle my children, and am afraid to face my husband because of the stress I've caused him. Then I face him, and I promise to try and slow down. Then I slow down and I don't get anything accomplished! Then I rush around, trying to catch up and the entire cycle starts all over again and leaves us all miserable and caught in a cycle that revolves around ME... my ability to control myself... and I am ashamed.

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. (Prov 12:4)

ouch. double ouch.

I don't want to be a rot in my husband's bones! I LOVE him. I want to be a crown, a jewel for him. I don't want to hurt him. But he that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls... vulnerable, a prime target for attack from enemies, anyone could sneak right in and chop off the king (or queen's) head and no one would be any wiser. That's not the way to live. I wonder whether something so simple as controlling my body, bringing it under submission, to such a simple act as getting out of bed could really help me.

Every where I turn in my bible, I find that the simplest answer is always the one given. Your hand sins, cut it off. You have a sharp tongue, control it. You have a lazy body, bring it under submission.

Is it ever really that simple?!?

I do good by getting up by 6:30 when my husband drags me, sometimes literally!, out of bed before he leaves for work. I start my day (usually) cranky, tired, nursing the beginnings of a migraine, and almost 'looking for a fight'. I spend the next several hours 'hoping' to get into a better mood, and sometimes I even succeed! Most days, though, I find myself faking it until about 30 minutes before my husband gets home, when the kids are in bed for their afternoon naps, and the house is finally looking like a grown-up lives here and I can drink my cold coffee in peace, until the cat knocks over the trash can or Gabe kicks Forrest out of bed, anyway.

I don't want to be one of those people who wake up one day, old and decrepit, their children grown and gone, and nothing but a clean house to show for years and years of life that should have been spent in the service of love and devotion, full of happy memories and loving relationships.

Maybe today will be the day that I start to slow down. That I leave the to-do lists on the counter and play instead of worrying. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that I wake up early enough to spend some quiet time with my husband in the morning, to get all my on-line work, and daily housecleaning chores finished before my children get up so I can really mother them, so I can really be present.

Maybe I will go make a fresh, hot pot of coffee and sit on the front porch with the kids and watch my cardinals begin their day for once, and not worry about what I think I have to do and get on with the business of doing what I need to!

Every time I have to make a trip into Nashville, I thank God more and more for my little slice of heaven out in the 'boonies'. Cities are just not my cup of tea! The crush of cars, of people, of noises and noxious smells is just overwhelmingly depressing for someone so used to open fields, empty roads, and the smell of trees and grass. I much prefer to see people I've known for years at every turn then be crushed into a couple dozen strangers with every step! I don't think I could be happy in a big city, or even a small city for that matter.

My house isn't the newest, biggest, most fashionable, or even cleanest you would ever encounter. It's small and cluttered (despite an entire year of decluttering- FLYlady style). It needs a new roof, the yard needs all manner of construction debris removed... half of the yard and property still need to be cleared of underbrush! Our swing-set is nestled beside our roofing supplies and the trampoline is sitting beside the front porch waiting to be assembled. The majority of the rooms in my house need to be re-painted, or the floor replaced, or the windows trimmed.

My neighbors (and there is a grand total of six households within a mile of ours) are a bunch of back woods loners: the type of people who live their lives and want to be left alone with their chickens and dogs and are perfectly happy to let you live yours as well. There's no neighborhood watch, and no block parties but there is also no one snooping out their screen doors, complaining because we have company that's blocking their driveway, calling us first thing in the morning to tell us our children are being too loud and they can't sleep.

Sometimes I despair because I don't live in a model home. I am beyond frustrated because I pick up the same set of trucks and blocks a good five or six times a day. I never have a break, and I have to work in stuff like brushing my hair, putting on jewelry, and reading in amongst a million questions about everything under the sun, cooking, unending dishes and laundry, changing diapers and wiping noses. I forget...

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through HIm who strengthens me."

So, when my spirit gets down, I can always breathe, and think of the good things. My peace in God, my children are around me, happy, healthy (for the most part!), curious, loving, and oh-so-adorable. My husband loves me and goes out of his way to show it. I have friends and family who care about me and call me just to make sure my sanity is in tact. :) I go to the store and run into a friend or acquaintance on every aisle. We often gather at the check-out, chatting and holding up the line, and making new connections.

My house is warm and cozy, inviting to those who need a dose of family love. The repairs give my husband, children, and me a chance to bond together and make the absolute best memories. The sense of pride and accomplishment that comes in the spring of seeing flower beds bloom and sweeten the air, and going grocery shopping in my own back yard is beyond words.

I can sit in any room in my house and watch the sunrise or sunset. As I sit here and type, there are at least six different birds' nests outside the two windows my desk is nestled between, and the birds' song and shows are spectacular at every time of the year! The sound of the rain dripping from trees is loud and musical through unfinished windows in the hollow with almost no other sounds.

I don't worry about my children wandering into the street- we know everyone and every vehicle that drives past our home! The deer scamper past our picture window and sneak tastes of leftover veggies in the garden. We have more to fear from the bobcat that lives up the hollow than from a deranged stranger... there are no strangers here.

I begin to understand that although I don't have that pride in my house that comes from it being better or nicer than the next persons. I don't have pride that my kids are perfect, my husband is richer or more powerful than the next, or I will always be immaculately dressed and manicured, I have more than pride. I am happy. What a shock to be able to write that sentence.

I don't think that I've arrived at CONTENTMENT. I still want new things, I still worry about how my house looks, and how cute the kids look, how messy the yard is, the baby weight on my hips and the stretched out skin hanging from my middle (the oh-so-NOT-fantastic side effects of having six children in under five years!), how my nails always seem to be dirty when I have to go out.

I always prayed fervently for contentment. Ever since I heard my pastor speak on it when I was 15 years old. "God," I prayed, " Make me content! Give me this or that and I promise I will be content because you are powerful enough to make me so!"

I didn't understand. We must "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."


Contentment is much more than mere happiness, much much more than pride.

I love this definition I found of contentment: a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb. 13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor. 10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2 Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2).

What a great quest for us to embark upon!

Even Lao Tzu (the same man who said "Give a man a fish...") says "Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. "



And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. (1Ti 6:8)

Amen

I love Jesus. I may see things from a strange perspective that has been formed over 24 years of a very unusual life, we will see. But there are times when I just want to run to Him, throw my arms around His neck and give Him a big kiss on the cheek. He never dances around a subject, He gets right to the meat of it and tells you what you need to hear... even if you don't want to hear it.

I try to listen, Lord, every chance I get. Please never stop trying to tell me even though I am usually to thick and oblivious to hear.

OK, to the meat of this post. :)

It seems incredible how two weeks can hold such highs and lows of the human mind, two such opposing emotions warring for the right to dominate. Do I rejoice or do I mourn? Am I full of praise or full of sorrow?

I am full of rejoicing!
Two weeks ago today, my niece, Kelley Leigh-Ann, was born after a long tumultuous delivery that eventually resulted in a cesarean section. BJ called me before she got to the hospital and I stayed by her side until she, Daddy, and Baby were resting peacefully and I could barely hold my head up straight. I was so proud of B and so joyful for such a beautiful baby! I spent the night getting to know Kelley's dad in a way I hadn't been able to before, and shared several precious moments with the two of them I will never, ever forget.



I am full of sorrow.
Then last Thursday, Jesus called one of His own home to Him... we were just not willing to share. My dear friend, Jessica, won her fight against PNETs cancer after two long years of battling. She went to her ultimate reward, and left us all here to celebrate her life and mourn ours without her. Jessica's father is the man who joined me and Josh in marriage. Her mother helped me with all the planning (and actually did the majority of it herself!) and Jessica was one of the few of my friends there to celebrate with us. I've known her all my life (at least since my life began) and grew up with her, besides. She was beautiful, inside and out, and I can't imagine how beautiful she is worshiping her Savior at His feet. I will truly miss her.


But where does that leave me? Do I celebrate and rejoice in a precious new life or do I weep and lament in the beginning of another? I don't have the answer.

I did, however, hear a wonderful broadcast on Sunday morning. "Peace," the preacher said, "Peace in yourself and peace with God. Most people will say that they have peace with God and themselves, but whenever great tragedies or great wonders happen, they find themselves torn from the inside and learn that their peace was nothing but a veneer over rotting wood."

It stopped me in my tracks. Peace. The knowledge and understanding that God truly controls everything, a comfort and assurance of our place at His feet. Peace. How wonderful it sounds.

I am trying to hear, Lord. Quiet my mind so I can hear your voice!

I sat down over the past couple days to really try and discover if I possessed peace. Do I know for sure that God is watching me, and caring for me? Am I really able to weather a storm of emotions from some elusive inner wellspring of peace and joy or am I just faking it? How do I know when I am actually peaceful?

Jessica's mom, Sharon, sent me, although she doesn't realize she did, to a website called What About Jesus where I found this in the Daily Devotional section:

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all, the Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus - Philippians 4:4-7

"In our reading for today, the Apostle Paul actually encourages us not just to rejoice but to rejoice always. Crime in the streets ... rejoice? Young people dying in foreign wars ... rejoice? No job ... rejoice? Yes, what we have in Jesus lifts us above all that. All of these things are problems in this sinful world. Jesus lived and died to take us out of this sinful world to be with him in a perfect world forever. But can we rejoice and find peace while we are still here? Again yes, because “the Lord is near." We don't have to scratch and claw our way through life grabbing things as if this is all there is. Jesus is with us, and through him we are blessed with God’s favor and the joy of life with God now and forever.

We don't have to be anxious about anything, either. We know who is in charge of all things, and he has invited us to present our requests to him. We can take our worries and problems to our God in prayer and leave them with him, knowing that he will always answer according to his great love and his eternal will for us. Then, as Paul explains, "The peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." '

Rejoice Always! Again, Rejoice! Present your cares to Jesus and the peace of God will guard your heart and mind!

I am Listening. I think I really am beginning to understand!

Maybe peace is not something that we have or have not.

Maybe peace is not something we can earn or lose.

Maybe, just maybe, peace is a gift waiting for us to reach out and take it for our own.


Am I brave enough to accept it? Are you? Or do I think I can somehow find peace apart from the Peacemaker?


When I search my mind, heart and soul, I am confident when I say to any who read this, "I have peace in my life. I am peaceful, regardless of the sorrow that pierces my heart. I am peaceful when I am rejoicing and I am peaceful when I am shattered. I feel peace with Jesus, my one true love, my God Most High, my shelter, and Savior. I rest in His glory, and I am peaceful in His arms."

I saw an episode of Wife-swap yesterday (Yes I know, I have much better things to be doing with my time!) about a woman from a conservative Christian family who lived as a 'help-meet' for her husband, home-schooled, taught her daughters to be home-makers and mothers, and her son to be a provider and protector. She was swapped with a woman who took a very liberal view of God, was the sole provider of her family, and her husband raised her daughters to be liberal and not believe in the Bible as it was written... when the Ms. Non-conservative arrived at Ms. Conservative's home, she immediately began attacking the values of the family- telling the children that their parents were not teaching them right and making every effort to contradict the values of purity, virtue, and obedience to God that resounded in the home. When Ms. Conservative arrived at her 'new home' she began trying to instill a work ethic in the children and husband, and set out to serve the family with joy and love.

Yet, when it came down to the table meeting, Mr. and Ms. Conservative were repeatedly attacked by Mr. and Ms. Non-conservative for being 'brain-washers, close-minded, and bigots', whilst they took their verbal beating with grace and composure.

Coincidentally, a devotion showed up in my inbox this morning on the meaning of the word "Christian" from the Institute for Creation Research which says :

" 'Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.' (1 Peter 4:16)
....
We can "glorify God on this behalf," or "in this name." This implies more than just praising the name. We can glorify God in what we do--in how we live in that name. We can certainly also bring dishonor to the title "Christian" by our actions. A solemn responsibility is then ours, to bring honor and glory to God through our lives."

Both women called themselves Christians, but which brought 'honor and glory to God through their lives"; which could you look at and really see the grace and love of our Precious Savior in?

It is for this reason that when I walk into a crowd and am picked out as a Christian based on outwardly signs (my large family of polite, -mostly- well-behaved children, mine and my daughters uncut hair, our modest dress, and orderly appearance) people seem to immediately shy away, fearing either a heretic, holier-than-thou family, or a bunch of crazy 'bible-thumping Christians'.

Yet we, as Christians are commanded to be a light unto the world- to go out and share the gospel with all that we meet, to live our lives in service of the Almighty so that the world may know us, not by our words, but by our actions! How is it possible when people are reluctant to talk to you- fearing a beating and condemnation for all of their sins? Simple. Sharing the gospel doesn't always mean immediately shoving Bible verses down their throats nor does it mean that every other sentence should begin or end with "By the grace of God" or "Praise Jesus"

You see, I make it a goal whenever we are out and about to always start up a friendly conversation with strangers- the over-whelmed mother dragging her unruly twins, the scared looking father trying to find the best diaper brand, the young woman looking through cleaning supplies with a befuddled look on her face... the punks, the goths, the rednecks, the corporate types... whatever name society has given them, they all find their way onto my radar and involved in discussions with me about everything from fertilizer to child-rearing to decorating styles to video games. :) I try to remember that no matter what a person's outward appearance, they were all created in the imagine of God... of my God. And He loves them!

No matter what direction their lives have taken they were all created with one purpose- to love God with all their hearts, minds, and souls. They may be biased against Christians or they may have had no experience with religion but they are still precious.

Sharing the love of Jesus with unbelievers doesn't mean being pious and un-reachable. Sharing the love of Christ means reaching out to all people, understanding and excepting them, and through your actions and reactions showing the grace and forgiveness that you have been shown. No matter what (Godly, I hope!) topics comes out of your mouths, if you're actions don't back up your words, you will be branded a fake and lose the blessing of sharing Christ with that person!

Always remember : Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. (Colossians 4:5-6)